


Imagine Me And You, I Do

by FiremanSam



Series: Imagine Me And You [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feelings, M/M, Oral Sex, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiremanSam/pseuds/FiremanSam
Summary: "Buck?" Eddie's voice made him jump, and he realized he was staring. He looked questioningly at Eddie, who smirked and reached out to cup his face, stroking his thumb along Buck's bottom lip. "How long have you wanted to do this? To touch me?""Weeks," Buck lied, and Eddie immediately shook his head slightly as he smiled, admonishing him for not being truthful. "Months. Always."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Imagine Me And You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697710
Comments: 58
Kudos: 609





	Imagine Me And You, I Do

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [Imagine Me and You, I Do 想象我和你的一切](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924734) by [seven_nina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seven_nina/pseuds/seven_nina)



The sky in Los Angeles sucked.

If there was one thing Buck missed about his home state, it was the stars. Sure, it wasn't like they were visible everywhere, but if you found yourself so inclined you could still get in your car and find some field somewhere and there they were, stretching out for miles, making him long to travel the world to see different ones.

The world was just so big, and he couldn't wait to get out and be a part of it. Now that he found himself thousands of miles away it was hard not to resent the oppressive light pollution and smog that kept the stars from him. When he had first got to L.A he had even found himself joining the tourists at the Griffith observatory just to get some distance from the heavy city air. Most weeks he could settle for a hike up the canyons to decompress, but things had been so busy recently and the hazy foggy atmosphere was now just one more thing he wanted to escape from.

Like the bar that he was currently hiding in the alley outside of, looking up at the sky and holding his hand up to his eyes, wishing he could part the atmosphere like a magician and get some perspective on his current predicament.

His Eddie predicament. His Eddie issue. The Eddie problem? Although was it a problem, really? Is loving somebody ever a problem?

Maybe if they have no idea and don't love you back, yes. A big problem.

The thankfully clean dumpster that he was leaning against backed onto a window and Buck sighed as he heard more raucous whoops and cheers coming from the bachelor party inside that he was currently taking a much needed time out from.

In amongst the drunken revelry no doubt was an increasingly drunk and tactile Eddie, which was the problem, in so much that it really wasn't a problem for Buck to have him pulling him closer and having to speak so closely into his ear that Eddie's lips skimmed his earlobe and made Buck spill his drink. Although an excuse, finally to pretend to go to the bar and get another. Instead he had found his feet taking him outside to try and get himself together and ignore the part of him that wanted to get as close as humanly possible to Eddie so that he could remember every single detail of how it felt to be so near to the man that he was ridiculously, embarrassingly and totally in love with.

Thanks to Abby, and Ali, and numerous experiences he had chalked up as earlier versions of himself, he knew that he had never felt anything for anyone the way he did for Eddie. And if there was one thing he was absolutely sure of, it was that Eddie deserved better than to be taken advantage of by him in any way, however innocent it seemingly was.

Eddie couldn't always come along to these kind of events, and it had honestly thrown Buck for a loop when he'd said yes. They barely knew the guy from the crew who was getting married, and Buck had only agreed as he was hoping that whatever spell Eddie had cast on him could be broken by meeting somebody else.

Whenever it came to actually flirting with anyone else he just couldn't do it for too long before it felt hollow and pointless. He wasn't stupid, he knew he could get someone to go home with him, somebody he knew that even if he didn't mean to he would just end up trying to pretend it was Eddie. That was a shitty thing to do to somebody else, and bizarrely felt like a betrayal at the same time. To Eddie. Buck was fucked up, he knew this.

But he had decided to try anyway. Eddie was going to find somebody new eventually, and maybe actually going through with it with somebody else might snap him out of it?

It hadn't worked. It never did. The women who squeezed his biceps and blinked their eyelashes up at him left him cold, and the men who gave subtle and not so subtle sweeps up and down his body just made him nervous that anyone he knew would end up finding out that he swung both ways and would only further perpetuate his status as slutty fuck up, Slutty _bisexual_ fuck up.

Of course he knew, rationally, that they were his family, and that they loved him. But more and more recently it felt like it was an exasperated love, and he didn't want to risk pushing the boundaries of it. And besides, he was not the poster boy for any kind of pride. No floats and rainbows for him. He didn't see how he would do anything except further the myth that he would sleep with anybody with a pulse.

It was hard. His bisexuality was never supposed to have stayed a secret, it never actually _was_ a secret. It definitely wasn't something he felt any internal conflict for, it was just the longer it had gone without coming up, the harder it had been to casually drop it into conversation. Especially now Eddie was around. These were smart people. They would easily put two and two together, which would inevitably lead to well intentioned, fond teasing, and who knew how Eddie would react to that?

Buck couldn't risk it. Wouldn't risk it.

He knew that you could be as accepting and okay with every orientation that you came across in your job, but deep down what would ex military, fucking _widowed_ , only ever talked about women, Eddie really think of his best friend even potentially finding him attractive? It didn't bear thinking about. So by and large, Buck didn't.

All the while Shannon had been back on the scene, all the way through the torturous time that Buck had burned with childish jealousy knowing that they were sleeping together even as he had a girlfriend himself, he had resolutely kept his opinions to himself and remained determined to be a good friend. Then she went and died, and that was just a whirlwind of horrible, guilty emotions.

Christopher was honestly one of the most important people in his life, and to think for a second that he'd ever had a bad or spiteful thought towards his mother just added to all the shit that Buck already buried along with the things he didn't like about himself. Like how he was secretly relieved when things with him and Ali just wouldn't work however hard they tried. Which wasn't very, in Buck's case.

Then time passed, and after all the lawsuit drama, and the fighting, things were finally, _finally_ , feeling completely normal between them. Occasionally Buck would get a vibe from Eddie, eye contact held for a half second too long, or an extra squeeze during a bro hug, but he was resigned to the fact that it was wishful thinking. What else could it be?

As Buck looked up at the hazy sky and contemplated how he managed to get himself into these situations, he was broken out of his rapidly spiralling into melancholy thoughts by the squeak of the fire door being pushed open. The waft of heat and stale beer that floated out made him pull a face, and he quickly stood up straight when he saw who had come out.

Eddie's eyes were glassy and his hair was slightly sweaty and sticking up from the humidity and all the people touching him, but Buck thought he looked happy. Genuinely. With 2 days free and Christopher with his grandmother then he was free to be as drunk and crumpled as he liked for at least the next few hours. God knows he deserved a night off. As usual Buck felt his usual pathetic pang of longing for him and took the opportunity to look at him for a second without feeling too creepy.

Eddie was wearing dark jeans that had got tighter as the bar had got warmer and more busy. The sunglasses that he had been wearing when he arrived had been hastily tucked into the front of his plaid button up, and at some point in the night one of the buttons must have popped off, or maybe even been pulled off by one of the many women who had been flirting with him, and Buck could see his belly button. It physically hurt him to see and not touch.

Without meaning to give his position away, Buck sighed as he reminded himself for the millionth time that it was just wish fulfillment to think that Eddie would ever feel for him the same way he did, and that just to be in his life and be around him was pretty damn great.

Eddie's eyes focused as he noticed him, and Buck's stupid, perennially optimistic heart skipped when Eddie grinned at him and stepped forward with his arms open. Buck smiled back and accepted the embrace, trying to slow time as he tried to use every sense to relive this experience later. Privately.

Eddie released him and scrubbed his face harshly before standing next to him against the dumpster, their shoulders touching in a line of warmth that made Buck feel tingly with butterflies with the desire to touch. He sighed again, deeper than he had meant to, and looked up at the sky, watching the blinking lights of airplanes and helicopters in the distance.

"What are you doing out here, man?" Eddie's voice sounded scratchy and hoarse, and damned if that didn't do things to Buck along with the close contact. "Couldn't find you."

Buck shrugged and listened for a few seconds at the cheers and laughter coming from inside the bar. The beers that he'd had made his thoughts loose and the urge to say more than he should was getting way too tempting. He settled for pointing at the sky instead, and nudged Eddie's shoulder. Eddie looked up at his hand and narrowed his eyes.

"What am I looking at? A shooting star?"

Eddie squinted at the sky, his nose wrinkling adorably. Jesus, Buck thought, was there any micro expression of Eddie's that he didn't find attractive? It was getting ridiculous now. Buck smiled and nudged him again.

"I'm pretty sure that's a helicopter you're looking at, Soldier."

Eddie laughed and took a step away from Buck. Before he could react Eddie put one leg up on a box and used Buck's shoulder to launch himself onto the top of the dumpster. The touch burned through his thin shirt, and Buck looked up at him with faux annoyance as Eddie pretended to look through a Captain Hook telescope.

"What do you see?"

Eddie shrugged and turned in a circle, briefly giving Buck a view of his ass in his jeans that he clicked his tongue at before he too looked up at the sky.

"Definitely a shooting star, Buck. You need to make a wish."

Buck could feel Eddie's gaze on him, so he turned away and pretended he hadn't heard. The dumpster creaked as Eddie jumped down and he appeared in front of Buck's face, way too close for comfort. Before he could react, Eddie put his hand on his shoulder, his fingertip slightly under the hem of Buck's shirt, and rubbed it back and forth a few times.

"Hey, you ok? You've been quiet all night?"

"I'm good, man, it was just too hot in there. Needed some fresh air. You know?"

Eddie nodded but didn't move his hand, and Buck knew he had to say something to fill the silence, something that would make Eddie move. Or not.

"You really think you saw a shooting star?"

Buck took a step back and smoothly out of Eddie's reach as he looked back up at the still practically impenetrable sky. He was such an idiot. Eddie nodded and came to stand in front of him again, looking harder at him than before, squinting his fucking beautiful eyes and making his nose scrunch up adorably. His pupils were blown wide from the alcohol but he just radiated concern. Always so caring. Buck could hardly stand it.

The silence stretched between them, not uncomfortable but odd. Buck sighed and looked up again. He wanted to be in a field somewhere, sitting in the back of a truck with the sky not hidden from view. Away from this ceiling of oppression. With Eddie right next to him, of course. Maybe Christopher asleep in the back seat. Then they would drive home-

"You need to make a wish, i'm pretty sure it's the law."

Buck jumped at Eddie's voice and he just lost it for a millisecond. There was no self control in him left. Everything he felt seemed to swoop down on him as he leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. It was so nice to be so close, and he wasn't creeping, wasn't doing anything they hadn't done before. It was just a nice little hug. Not even a hug. Totally innocent and non creepy. He focused on the intersecting lines of a square on Eddie's shirt and just listened to their breathing before he went to lean back. Eddie didn't move, and Buck risked a glance at his face to see that his eyes were closed.

"And I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. Besides, it wouldn't come true."

Without thinking Buck reached his right hand up to touch Eddie's face, and he brushed his thumb along his stubble a few times. Eddie's eyes opened slowly and he drew his eyebrows together in surprise at what Buck was doing.

"Hey," Eddie smiled drunkenly and Buck knew that whatever he was thinking was not what Eddie was thinking, and he was moving closer and closer into taking advantage territory the longer he stayed touching him. "It might."

"It won't," Buck whispered, and flinched when he realised how pathetic he sounded. He gave Eddie's cheek one final stroke and then slapped his face gently, schooling his face into a silly grin. "Hey, so I, uh, i'm gonna head home, my uber will be here in a minute."

Eddie frowned and rubbed at his cheek as if it were sore and Buck watched as he struggled to get his phone out of his tight jeans pocket, frowning again at the time.

"It's not even midnight. What, you got a pumpkin to get home or something?"

Eddie sounded tired, and the image that came into Buck's head of them snuggling down to go to sleep just finalized his decision to call it a night. He made himself smile again and watched almost disappointedly as Eddie mirrored it. How could he be so intuitive, but so dense at the same time?

Fuck, he needed to get home before he did or said anything more stupid or obvious than he had already. Dumbass that he was. With a cheerful wave he did a little skip backwards and turned to walk down the alley towards the street. He didn't look back at Eddie until he reached the end, and when he turned around he saw that he was looking up at the stars, such as they were.

Buck's stupid, pathetic, teenage heart ached as he ordered the uber that he'd lied about, and he decided to indulge his ridiculousness fully after he had confirmed the car was on the way, looking up at any blinking light and wishing on helicopters and airplanes that he would get over this, sooner rather than later.

***

So he didn't get over it. Of course he didn't. To him Eddie was perfect. He hung the fucking moon. Buck could work with him, treat him completely normally, and then spend a half hour scrolling through his phone looking at photos of him before he tried to sleep, hoping that he would dream about him.

It was getting worse.

His latest habit was to run his thumb along his own cheek before he shaved to try and remember what Eddie's face had felt like. During the work day he would try it on the soft hairs on his own arm while he looked at Eddie as he went about his business, totally oblivious to Buck sitting next to him at the dinner table while he tried to not smell the food and instead pick out traces of the shower gel he used.

It was bleeding into everything he did. And after a few weeks of claiming exhaustion or other, vague plans that he knew Eddie was starting to see through, he had finally said yes to coming over after work to spend the evening with just Eddie and Chris, and for the first time ever there had been moments of awkwardness between them.

Buck was so desperate not to be caught mooning over Eddie that he made himself concentrate too hard on other things, and he found himself being snapped out of daydreams by the two of them, ganging up on him adorably and inadvertently making the whole thing worse as it just increased Buck's wistful longing to be part of their little domestic unit.

After the first few times he had made a concerted effort to engage, thinking he'd got away with it until Chris asked him if he was ok while Eddie was at the door getting the takeout. It had just made him feel even more paranoid and guilty than he already did.

So, he was determined to get back on track. Again. Eddie was putting Christopher to bed and they were going to watch a movie and Eddie had insisted that Buck eat more of the takeout that he'd picked at, unable to eat because of the constant butterflies he felt every time their arms touched on the couch. Pathetic. Creepy and pathetic, truly.

Buck was just finishing up in the bathroom after he'd had to splash water on his face when he couldn't resist taking the opportunity to smell Eddie's deodorant stick in the cabinet, when he jumped at a quiet knock.

"Just a sec."

Buck tried to sound casual as he checked his face in the mirror. Still there, still stupid. No evidence of what ever the hell it was he'd been doing or thinking, thankfully. As he eased the door open quietly he was immediately tested by trying not to react to Eddie stood on the other side in a loose pair of jersey basketball shorts and nothing else.

"Milk spill. Just gonna take a quick shower, Pick us something to watch?"

Eddie breezed past Buck, his warm hand patting him on the back as he went. Buck nodded dumbly and sleptwalk to the couch, scrolling through netflix as he thought about what Eddie was doing just a few walls away from him. This was so, so stupid. They showered at work together, and to his eternal shame he knew what Eddie looked like naked, of course he did. What he did with that information was yet another reason to feel like a sex offender around his best friend. He didn't stare, or seek it out, but he had eyes.

He mindlessly picked out a movie that seemed safe to watch. No romance or spousal death, no war, no fighting, no tsunamis, no fucking fire truck lands on your leg and makes you look like frankenstein's monster. Hopefully they could just get lost in it and then Buck could make his excuses and go home and have one final session of personal time with the new images he had to cycle into the mix.

After he did that then he could sigh and moon over how great Eddie was. How soft he was, how patient he was. How smart he was. How nice he was, to patients, cashiers, to random old people, to his supposed best friend who spilled his guts to lawyers. How forgiving he was. How great he was with Christopher. How great Christopher himself was, just the best little kid ever. God, he just loved them both so much. They deserved more than this creepy obsession he had. He would just remake himself, again, into whatever version didn't act the way he had been acting recently. Then they could go back to how it was. Easy.

Buck was lost in his own thoughts again when he was pulled out of them by Eddie clearing his throat in the doorway, a beer in his hand and a questioning expression on his dumb, beautiful face. His hair was still wet and spiky, and he had only added a black tank top to the shorts he had put on. His feet were bare, and that was something Buck didn't know he needed to obsess about.

Buck nodded to himself to stop thinking about feet, but Eddie took it as assent and approached him with the beer and put it down on the coffee table next to Buck's uneaten dinner. He disappeared back into the kitchen and Buck scrubbed his hands over his face and scooted as far to the edge of the couch as he could before opening the beer and slipping his feet out of his sneakers so he could rest them on the coffee table. Eddie padded back in, taking a swig from a bottle of his own and flopping down with a sigh and a yawn.

"I'm beat," Eddie used the underside of his shorts to wipe the condensation from the bottom of the beer bottle and put it on the coffee table in front of them. "What are we watching?"

Buck made himself look away from where the fabric had stayed half way up Eddie's thigh and cleared his throat before he pressed back on the remote to the information screen. Eddie read it and shrugged, leaning back into the couch and propping his head up on his arm.

The leg of his shorts stayed half way up his thigh. His thick, hairy, ridiculously attractive thigh.

Fuck.

***

20 minutes later Eddie was asleep and Buck was in hell. Ignoring the movie, which was some kind of weird, gross, stoner Die Hard that was truly terrible, he was scrolling through instagram and trying to resist taking a video or photo of Eddie. He could then upload it with funny gifs or emojis as if he wasn't physically aching to reach out and pull the hem of Eddie's shirt down where it had ridden up to reveal the thick dark hair leading into his waistband.

Maybe then, after he'd pretended how annoying it was that he could hear how Eddie's quiet snuffly breaths would soon turn into snores he could keep the photo for himself to remember this moment and use it to fuel the imaginary life that he liked to pretend he had before he fell asleep.

A life where he could just lean over and put a hand on Eddie's leg and tell him to go to bed and then help him stand up before Eddie would pretend to fall asleep on his shoulder and then Buck would hug him and then they would shuffle down the hall, careful not to wake Chris. Once they got to their bedroom-

Buck jumped as he looked up at the screen and saw two men making out and pushing eachother towards a bed. He sat forward in surprise and knocked the coffee table, making their nearly empty beer bottles clink together before he reached out to still them. Eddie stirred and Buck quickly paused the movie and took the last swig of beer, trying not to project heart eyes at Eddie as he rubbed his eyes wearily and sat up straight.

"What? What's happening?" Eddie rubbed his eyes again and looked between the paused screen, which was practically a close up of the two men eating eachother's faces, and Buck. He frowned and looked confused. "Is this the same movie? What time is it?"

Buck put the beer bottle down a little too loudly, wincing at the sound it made as he looked in the direction of the hallway. He looked down at his phone.

"9.45. Listen, we're both pretty tired. I'll, um, leave you to go to bed. Get some sleep."

Duh, Buck thought. Obviously to sleep. Eddie looked blank and sleepy, and Buck couldn't seem to look anywhere except the screen of the stupid, stupid movie. Eddie yawned and leaned back against the couch, one arm stretching out along the back. It was too inviting, all the more so because it was innocent.

Buck stood up too quickly and his phone seemed to fly out of his hand in slow motion, arcing towards the edge of the couch by Eddie's shoulder before finally burying itself between the couch cushion and Eddie's arm. Awesome, wonderful, great, he thought with a heavy sigh. As soon as he reached to get it he realised far too late that it would mean bending right down into Eddie's space and rubbing against his arm as he rummaged for it.

The stupid slippery phone was wedged tight, and he leaned further over to see what it was sticking on, bringing him even closer to an increasingly bemused Eddie, who stayed still as Buck fiddled around him. Big dumb giraffe body. With a grunt of triumph he finally got it free and went to stand up straight, only to be stopped by Eddie moving quickly and gripping his wrist. He stared up at him, his dark eyes burning and no longer sleepy or amused.

"What is with you tonight? Have I done something? You didn't need to stay. You didn't need to come over at all, you obviously didn't want to."

He looked pissed, which caught Buck off guard before he realised how his weird behavior could be otherwise interpreted as him being angry at Eddie. But the warmth of Eddie's actual hand touching his actual body was just far too confusing for him to think or articulate anything coherently and so he stayed silent, opening and closing his mouth a few times like an idiot fish.

Eddie's eye contact was unwavering and Buck was mesmerised by it, as fucking usual. He always was. Being under Eddie's gaze just flipped some kind of switch that as soon as he was away from him it felt like something was missing. Like he wasn't being seen anymore.

Before Buck could second guess himself or even truly realize what he was doing he moved his captured hand and cupped Eddie's cheek, stroking his thumb along the prickly stubble there as he had done once before.

Eddie's grip loosened and something sparked in his eyes as he tugged on Buck's arm, gently guiding him back to sit on the couch, half facing him but not doing anything to move Buck's hand. Buck was paralyzed as the memory of that night in the alley seemed to play out for Eddie as his eyebrows drew together with a frown. Buck found he could do nothing except keep his hand still and wait for the awkwardness.

After a few seconds Eddie frowned and bit his lip. He looked like he was about to say something, and the idea of what it could be, the finality of it, jolted Buck into action and he went to finally move his hand away.

Eddie stopped him.

Time was frozen as Buck stared between his hand and Eddie's face, and Eddie's eyes burned into him until he summoned up the courage to meet them.

"Your wish that won't come true," Eddie spoke so quietly that Buck moved closer to him instinctively so that he could hear. "Is it me?"

Buck had read descriptions of how it felt for your heart to skip, or your stomach to drop, all of the cliches. How it actually felt for him was worse, like coming face to face with the scariest thing in the world that you could think of. And Buck had faced too many things that were plenty scarier than this. On paper, anyway. They didn't compare. Nowhere close.

He couldn't speak. Couldn't look at Eddie. Even as he felt his cheeks blaze with heat under the intensity of the other man's stare. He found he could do nothing except flex his wrist where Eddie was gripping it, only to instantly regret it when Eddie subsequently let go. Buck felt like if he looked there would be a brand in the shape of Eddie's hand there. Red hot, like a new tattoo.

"Buck?"

Eddie's hand was now resting on the couch between them, and he poked Buck's leg gently until he finally looked up at him.

"I am so sorry, Eddie," Buck resolutely made himself look at a patch of skin on Eddie's shoulder as he tried to think of something to say. Some excuse to make things okay between them again. Maybe something halfway true would do it. Maybe. "I'm just having some, um, confused feelings. And, uh, well, I guess-"

Eddie shifted forward so that his arm that had been leaning against the back of the couch was closer, and Buck held his breath as Eddie rested his hand on his shoulder in that infuriating, reassuring way he always did, his thumb rubbing Buck's shoulder a few times before it nudged under the neck of his shirt and stayed there.

"Is your wish that won't come true to kiss me?"

Buck's body did that awful freezing plunge into ice feeling again as he met Eddie's eyes in shock. Eddie's eyes with dilated pupils. He was _flirting_. He _was_ flirting. Buck hadn't been totally crazy after all.

"Is it?"

Buck could find no words again so settled for a barely perceptible nod. Eddie's lips went up in a tiny smirk and he moved closer still, making Buck suck in a breath as he used his free hand to grip Buck's wrist again and bring it back up to his face.

"Do you want to kiss me, Evan?"

Holy shit. Whether it was the breathy way he said it, or the feel of Eddie's warm skin under his fingertips, or the use of his real name, Buck was fucking gone. He nodded again and licked his lips before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath for a second to hope that this wasn't all some weird, out of character practical joke that would backfire horrendously and further break Buck's heart and their friendship forever.

Buck kissed him.

He didn't smash their mouths together, or nudge his mouth open for his tongue to get in, or give him a chaste little peck. As soon as their lips touched he just knew how to kiss him, it just worked. Serendipity. Something corny like that, anyway.The little surprised sound that Eddie made was the cherry on top of honestly the best, twenty second, closed mouth kiss that he'd ever had.

Before long the realization of what he was doing, what _they_ were doing, landed like a physical blow to the chest, and he moved his hand from Eddie's cheek to his chest and pushed him gently away.

"I'm sorry. We can't. I can't," Buck's lips felt tingly and strange, like he'd eaten something too spicy and needed water. Eddie licked his lips and went to say something but Buck put his hand up to stop him and nodded towards the empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "You've been drinking. You don't want this."

Eddie laughed. Actually laughed. It was wonderful and awful all at the same time. Buck was so confused. It must have shown on his face as Eddie stopped himself smiling and shuffled closer to him again, hesitating for a second before he rested his hand on Buck's knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before he sought out eye contact again.

"I've had two beers. _Light_ beers," Eddie licked his lips again and Buck couldn't help but notice his eyes flick down towards Buck's mouth. It made him wet his own lips and he watched as Eddie's tracked the motion. "I do want to do this. I didn't realize maybe that I did, but I do."

Buck's heart did ten million billion cartwheels, or some other hyperbolic way of saying that he was simultaneously the happiest and most desperate he'd ever been, and the most conflicted. Now that his fantasy was actually close to coming true he was utterly terrified that they were standing on the edge of a precipice that could end their friendship as it was.

"Stop thinking so hard, Buck. It felt good," Eddie moved closer still, and moved his hand from Buck's knee to his face, mimicking what Buck had done to him as he moved his thumb to caress his cheek gently. He leaned forward until their lips were only millimeters away from touching. "I want to feel good. With you. I want you to feel good, too."

They were kissing again before Buck could give himself time to overthink it, his thoughts finally going quiet as little kisses became longer and more heated. Eddie's hand dropped back onto Buck's leg and squeezed again, making a noise come out of Buck that he would be embarrassed about if he wasn't so turned on. Somehow he managed to pull himself together for long enough to gently push against Eddie's chest again, and he huffed with annoyance at himself for stopping something that they both seemed so in favor of.

"I lied before," He managed to get out, again making himself look anywhere except Eddie's face, lest he get carried away again and kiss him stupid. "I'm not confused, I'm actually, uh, bisexual? Like, no, I _know_ I am, I'm not confused at all. I've been with guys before. Not for a while, though."

Buck forced himself to look at Eddie briefly, and while his kissed-pink lips were distracting, his expression was hardly one of surprise as he nodded slightly for Buck to go on. Shit, Buck thought. What was he supposed to say now? I love you. I want to live with you forever and hyphenate our names and have babies and skip into the firehouse every morning?! Not that those were things he would hate, now that he thought about it. Although who was he kidding. He thought about it a lot.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to look at Eddie again. He needed Eddie to know that this wasn't just experimentation with a guy for kicks. It was something he had done before. A whole lot. If Eddie found out after.....after anything they did, even kissing, he could feel totally manipulated.

"I never meant for it to be a secret, it was just, the guys, when they met me they thought it was enough that I kept messing up with _girls_. And then after Abby, after Ali, it would have just made it a big thing, when it isn't one. But it kind of is, it shouldn't be, but it is. And I wasn't even looking for anyone, so why was it even relevant, you know?" Eddie nodded, and Buck couldn't help but smile at how polite he was even though Buck was about as far away from making sense as it was possible to be.

"I just thought they'd, uh, connect the dots, if I told them. You know?"

Eddie looked confused and Buck sighed. He was fucking this up big time. Stupid un-slutty principles. Two years ago he would have be on the way to getting laid with the hottest guy he'd ever met. It was a shame he loved him.

Eddie's right hand was still on Buck's right shoulder and he squeezed it gently to get his attention.

"Connect the dots, how?"

Buck sighed again and rolled his eyes. He was too far into this to get out without humiliating himself so he might as well go all in.

"If they knew I liked guys it'd be pretty obvious I liked you. That I wasn't looking for anyone because of you. I mean, Maddie's already teased me about it. I know you know."

Eddie shook his head and looked down at where their legs were touching on the couch. Buck felt like Eddie wanted to say something and waited for whatever it was. When it wasn't forthcoming he cleared his throat and Eddie looked up, making Buck's poor, poor heart lurch when he watched Eddie's eyes skip across his face, lingering on his mouth before he met Buck's gaze briefly and concentrated his gaze on the small patch of couch between their legs. He stayed silent and Buck decided he had to try and help.

"Do you?" He whispered. When Eddie frowned with confusion Buck risked moving and sighed inwardly when the hand that Eddie had rested on his shoulder dropped back to the couch. He moved his leg so that they were sat side by side instead of facing eachother. "Like guys? Men."

Buck saw Eddie shrug in his peripheral vision as he focused on the two guys stuck mid kiss on the tv screen. The emotional whiplash of the last five minutes had been intense that he was struggling to remember how this had all started even as he tried to keep every tiny detail in his brain of how awesome it had been to kiss Eddie. Just in case it didn't happen again. Which it most likely wouldn't now that Buck had ruined it.

Eddie sighed, sat up straight, and picked up his empty bottle on the coffee table, turning it round in his hand as he seemed to weigh up what he wanted to say. He cleared his throat a few times until Buck looked sideways at him, the butterflies well and truly back in residence. Eddie took a deep breath and looked sideways at him.

"I think I knew, objectively, that I could say when a guy was attractive, you know? In high school."

Buck nodded encouragingly and Eddie seemed to find some confidence to carry on. He knew that Eddie wasn't always happy to talk about his past, and he worried again that this was something he shouldn't be making Eddie talk about.

"Maybe I looked a few times. Thought about it, hypothetically. I never really examined it, you know? I didn't feel bad about it, but I didn't do anything about it either. But then there was Shannon, and then I was away for so long, and there was opportunity, trust me," Eddie raised his eyebrows and smirked at Buck, and the butterflies did their thing obediently. "But I meant my vows. And, well, after I got back, and then here, and then after her again-"

"Eddie, stop. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked," Buck put his hand on Eddie's shoulder and squeezed gently, hoping it would be seen for the friendly gesture it was and not a come on. "I'm sorry."

Eddie put the beer bottle down and turned to face Buck again and gripped his forearm. He looked intense, focused, and Buck worried about what was coming next.

"Stop being sorry. I'm not drunk, I'm not confused. It felt _good_ and I liked it. You're not making me do anything or forcing me, or manipulating me, or whatever it is that's going on in there," Eddie tapped the side of Buck's head gently before he leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. "It felt good. You felt good. I want to feel good."

"Edd-"

Buck started to speak but Eddie cut him off. With his mouth. This time it got heated much more quickly, and Buck felt like he could die from overstimulation with how much he wanted to savor every sensation that he was feeling. Eddie was a fucking great kisser, no surprises there, and Buck was happy for him to take the initiative, squeezing Buck's knee and letting his hand trail halfway up his thigh as he distracted him with his tongue.

His tongue. Fuck. They were full on frantic making out now, and it was embarrassing that Buck was getting hard already just from that alone. It reminded him of his first few times when he was younger, resorting to the ol' cushion on the lap to make him look less hair trigger than he was. But he couldn't help it. Months of pent up frustration were coming out and he could hardly hold on. If he wasn't busy kissing he'd be smiling.

Nobody else would ever compare to this kiss, Buck knew. Every kiss led to a more intense one, creating a need every time that was immediately sated by the next. Buck was dizzy with it and broke away to kiss along Eddie's jaw, delighting in being allowed to touch the one place that had been tormenting him for so long. When he reached his neck he felt Eddie's hands move to cradle his head as he grazed his teeth gently over the hinge of his jaw.

Only worries about looking unprofessional at work stopped him from sucking a hickey into Eddie's warm skin, and the thought alone made him make a noise from low in his throat, and he teased Eddie with a gentle suck above his pulse as he felt Eddie's fingers card through his hair in response.

"Buck," Eddie said, so throaty and broken that Buck knew then and there he would let this man do literally anything to him if only kissing had made them both react this way. "Evan, stop for a second, we should-"

Buck stopped immediately and sat up, grimacing as his zipper brushed against his now fully hard dick. Eddie's eyes flicked down and he raised an eyebrow at Buck, holding his hand up to show he wasn't mad. He seemed far from it, if that wasn't arrogant for Buck to notice. His face was flushed, his lips a dark shade of pink that was another little zap to the crotch. When Buck risked a glance at Eddie's lap he let out a very unsexy huff of breath as he saw Eddie's cotton shorts doing nothing to hide his own erection.

Or the fact that he wasn't wearing underwear. Buck had thought he wasn't earlier, but he refused to let himself look for confirmation. Eddie chuckled and shrugged, and the ease with which he seemed to be going along with this all was confusing Buck. Maybe this was his limit, his hard pass. Dicks. And that was why he wanted to stop. Oh well. Okay. Buck guessed he could live with that.

"I think we should-"

"Yep, you got it, no problem," Buck said, leaning back and wincing as his stupid jeans chafed again. He put his hands up in surrender and tried to smile. "Sorry if I went too far."

"Buck, stop, Jesus," Eddie punched him lightly in the arm and rolled his eyes before looking boldly at Buck's lap and then slowly up to his eyes, his desire pretty clear. Buck _knew_ Eddie had moves. Having them used on him was fucking awesome. "I was just gonna say we should move, I don't want Christopher to see us like this."

As he spoke he put his hand on Buck's leg, halfway up his thigh and heading higher before Buck grasped his wrist gently.

"It's, uh, not too fast? Too much?"

"Nope. Not too much. Not enough."

Eddie leaned in and kissed Buck again. Gentle, slow kisses that turned heated and demanding too soon, and Buck released Eddie's wrist only to clutch the couch cushion so hard it hurt his knuckles when Eddie brushed the back of his hand slowly along his zipper. He groaned into Eddie's mouth and brought his hands up to grab fistfuls of Eddie's shirt as he sank back into the couch.

Eddie broke away and copied what Buck had done to his neck, although seemingly not as concerned as Buck had been with what Buck would have to say to Bobby if the marks he was making weren't covered by his uniform shirt. Which they wouldn't be if Eddie didn't stop.

"Wait, wait, work," Buck managed to get out, not caring how wrecked he sounded. Eddie broke off and kissed him again, and Buck had to hold on tight to his self control when Eddie pressed down harder on his jeans, which would be tented if the fabric allowed. He raised his hips to get some relief and Eddie backed off, biting his bottom lip and looking intensely at Buck. Waiting him out.

The seconds ticked by with them staring at eachother, Eddie's upturned hand resting gently on top of Buck's zipper. When Buck still didn't speak, couldn't speak, Eddie smiled again, a big, real one that reached his eyes, and he smirked at Buck's no doubt blushing, stupid face.

"Well? Do you want to?"

"Do I want to what?" Buck whispered, feeling the blush spread as Eddie pressed down lightly on his dick in answer to his question. "Uh, yeah I do. Obviously. If you do? Do you?"

Eddie hummed in assent and looked away for a second before he nodded to himself and took Buck's hand, dropping it unceremoniously in his own lap and breathing deeply and maintaining eye contact as Buck's hand twitched in surprise before he gripped Eddie's cock loosely, instinctively.

Jesus christ, Buck had died and gone to heaven. Eddie heaven. Dick heaven. He didn't even want to blink, lest he miss a single millisecond of Eddie's microexpressions as he moved his hand back and forth a few times, feeling bolder as he felt Eddie get harder underneath his fingers. His own dick was screaming at him but he didn't care. Fuck, he wanted to blow him so bad.

"Can I, um?" Buck looked away, hating that he was probably blushing again. "I just really want to touch you. Please."

Eddie full on grinned before he puffed out his cheeks and stood up, pulling Buck up with him and stepping into his space. Their fucking cocks were touching, through fabric, but Buck felt like he was going to faint. Being stuck under the truck had been less stressful than this.

"You very much can, yes," Eddie spoke quietly and directly into Buck's ear, nipping him gently on the earlobe before he pulled back to kiss him sweetly. "But not here, come on."

Eddie led Buck quietly through the house. As they passed Christopher's door Buck felt a squeeze of tenderness despite the spectacle they must be as he watched Eddie quickly peek in through the gap to check on him.

When they reached the threshold of Eddie's bedroom the little voice in Buck's head began to pipe up again, making him worry that this was all a terrible idea, but he had no time to consider it before Eddie was pulling him inside and immediately pushing him against the wall, the barrier of the door between him and his son making him even more bold than he had been before.

Buck was holding on for dear life and trying to give as good as he got, before he was too distracted by his own dick threatening a mutiny if he didn't release it from his dumb jeans that he'd only worn because he treated each and every visit with Eddie as a reason to wear his best and most flattering clothes in the hope that Eddie would be dazzled and fall head over heels in love with him.

Huh. Turned out all he had to do was touch his cheek.

As Eddie kissed him as if his life depended on it, somehow gentle and demanding all at once, Buck released his desperate hold on Eddie's thick biceps and tried to get his hands between them to open his jeans. The button, at least. Eddie seemed to take what Buck was doing as some kind of challenge and in one slick move he released him, turned him around and nudged him gently backwards until the back of Buck's legs touched the edge of the bed.

Their eyes met, and Eddie moved his hand to rest on Buck's chest, teasing with gentle pressure before he took a step back and pushed Buck gently on to the bed.

There weren't many people who were stronger or as strong as he was, and Buck was pleased he was laying down so that he didn't swoon. His pulse thundered in his ears as he tried to undo his jeans while Eddie stood watching him, an unreadable expression on his face. When he saw Buck watching he snapped out of it, pulling his tank off in one smooth move before he knelt on the bed and helped Buck by yanking his jeans off his ankles.

A second passed before either of them moved, and Buck's eyes tracked Eddie's as he looked down at his body. He tried not to react as Eddie slowly leaned down next to him and tapped his still covered chest.

"Take this off."

Buck took a deep breath and drank in how different Eddie sounded. He still could hardly believe this was actually happening. If it were a movie he'd snap awake on the couch and then go home and jerk off to his imagination. Again.

He resisted the urge to touch his own dick or look at Eddie's tented shorts when he sat up and pulled his shirt off, quickly adding his socks to make a bundle and throwing it somewhere near the door. He could feel Eddie's eyes on his back and he sat up straighter and tried to flex a little bit, despite the energy being needed elsewhere in his body. Eddie liked his body. Awesome.

"Buck," Eddie said, low and insistent. "Come back up here."

Buck moved back up the bed and turned on his side to face Eddie. Not wanting to start off another staring contest, he decided to take the initiative and kissed him before he could lose his nerve, touching him gingerly on the hip to move Eddie onto his back. He deepened the kiss, keeping his hand hovering above Eddie's stomach.

Eddie's hand came up to rest on the back of Buck's head, pulling him closer so that he had to press down on Eddie's chest for leverage. He could feel his heart beating rapidly underneath his warm chest, and any restraint he had left was gone. They kissed like crazy, like something had been unlocked between them. It was exhilarating, all the more so when Buck was rewarded with a gasp as their dicks rubbed together for the first time.

Eddie broke away for a second and Buck took the opportunity to catch his breath as he rolled onto his back. He palmed himself through his underwear and squeezed his eyes shut with how good it felt. Beside him the bed shifted, and he opened his eyes to see Eddie's back as he threw something on the floor. His shorts. Holy shit, his shorts. Buck's brain short circuited as Eddie turned back around, his flushed face illuminated in the streetlights from outside.

Some vague sense of propriety stopped Buck from looking down at Eddie's body, like his dick was the video from the fucking Ring and he'd go crazy if he saw it. Eddie seemed to have no such qualms though, and he rested his hand on Buck's cheek and nudged their noses together until their parted lips met. He could feel Eddie's cock against his thigh, warm and solid. Hard. For him. For what they were doing.

Eddie's hand trailed down Buck's jaw and into his hair, his fingers running roughly through his hair and gripping tightly as he moved against him. Buck stroked himself gently through his underwear until he could stand it no longer and pulled away so that he could sit up to get them off.

Exposed, he was bashful, and when he settled back down he didn't know where to look. Eddie did, though, and Buck watched as Eddie studied him, head to toe, his eyes dark and heated. He leaned down for one more kiss, and Buck surged forward to meet his tongue with his own. He would never, _ever_ , get used to, or over, kissing Eddie.

When they separated they were both breathing hard, staring at eachother intensely as their chests rose in sync with one another.

"Buck?" Eddie said, his voice husky and broken, and Buck clutched the comforter with how pleased he was that he had done that to him. "Can I touch _you_?"

Buck's veins throbbed with want as another wave of heat coursed through his body. He nodded dumbly and cleared his throat, trying to recover some kind of composure.

"I think I will _literally_ die if you don't."

Ok, maybe not. Eddie laughed and kissed him again, leaning over him and running his hand down Buck's chest, not light enough to tickle, but not hard enough for Buck, who moved to meet him, his hands going to Eddie's head and carding through his hair.

Eddie's hand stopped at his waist, and Buck's toes curled in anticipation of what was to come. He didn't have to wait long before Eddie pulled back, keeping his eyes on Buck's as he took a visible deep breath and ran the back of his hand along his cock, copying what he had done when they were still dressed.

"What do you like?" Eddie asked him as he moved his hand to grip him properly, moving his hand agonisingly slowly. Buck could only shake his head and try and shrug nonchalantly in another abortive effort to remain in control. Eddie smiled and tightened his grip. "That? You like that?"

Eddie started a rhythm, twisting his hand at the top and running his thumb over the tip of Buck's cock while he maintained intense eye contact, seemingly enjoying categorising Buck's reactions to what he was doing. What he was going to get, though, was an embarrassingly early result.

"Let me," Buck gripped Eddie's wrist, resisting the urge to whimper when Eddie's hand left his aching cock as he moved away. "Let me, I, uh, I want to touch you. Please?"

Eddie smiled again. Buck would obsess later about how easy Eddie was finding this all. But for now he was too caught up in the moment, trying to go with it and not spoil a second of whatever it was they were doing. Ruining their friendship? Shit, that was thinking about it. Bad Buck. He shook his head and grounded himself in the moment by finally really letting himself look at Eddie's body.

He was just as hot as he had already seen, only softer still, somehow. Vulnerable maybe. Whatever it was, it was intoxicating just looking at the hard lines of his abs, that infuriating groove in his hips that taunted Buck every time he wore low slung shorts. The hair that peeked out of tank tops that Buck had always wanted to touch. So he did. He tried not to hesitate and put his hand down above Eddie's heart, trying to put himself inside it somehow.

Buck flicked his eyes up to Eddie's face, and he couldn't help but kiss him again, just because he could. Eddie's lips were warm and soft and Buck ran his tongue along them, teasing Eddie before he let him in. The kiss turned more aggressive than Buck had intended, and he used it as a distraction as he moved his hand to brush his finger over Eddie's nipple. Eddie groaned and Buck did it again as he moved to press against Eddie's side. At the skin to skin contact Buck gasped and broke away, breathing heavily and resting his head on Eddie's chest.

"Jesus, I, uh, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna last any time at all," Buck spoke into Eddie's chest, kissing it before he propped his head up on his forearm and looked up at Eddie, who was smirking at him. Fuck him. Buck knew what to do. "Can I blow you?"

Eddie's eyes widened and Buck couldn't help but grin at turning the tables on him. He had moves too. Plus he might be a little rusty but he'd always been pretty good at blow jobs. He liked being good at things, and all you needed was a will to learn and people to practice on.

Buck gave himself a quick tug and a pep talk as he stood up, watching greedily as Eddie scooted down the bed so that his legs were over the end. He settled down on his knees and looked up through his lashes, knowing what normally worked for him with others might work on Eddie.

"I like it when you do that," Eddie said, sitting up with a soft groan and patting Buck on the head before he leaned back, folding one arm behind his head and settling down again. "S'cute."

Buck internalised his happiness and bit his lip, savoring the view in front of him. It was no surprise to him at all, but of course Eddie's cock was as perfect as the rest of him, thick and dark and waiting to be shown the attention it deserved. Not one to stand on ceremony, Buck put his hands on Eddie's warm thighs and leaned in, breathing on the head on purpose and grinning when Eddie's stomach contracted as he flinched.

Buck took a second to lean his head on Eddie's leg and dig his nails into his own thigh to calm himself down, he wanted to show off what he could do, and coming all over himself because Eddie had great abs wasn't the best start. Once he was ready he took the opportunity to run his hands along Eddie's hairy thighs before he held his breath and gripped Eddie's cock, squeezing once before he took him in his mouth.

Eddie's free hand flew to his head, clutching tightly as Buck went to work. Fuck, he loved doing this. Gripping him tightly at the base he suckled the tip, laving his tongue over Eddie's frenulum before he moved to take him as deeply as he could. He felt Eddie move and soon both of his hands were on his head, and Buck moaned around Eddie's cock as he opened his eyes to find that intense gaze still on him, Eddie's mouth open as he breathed heavily, his eyes glazed over.

Buck let his mouth fill as he leaned up to take Eddie even deeper, focusing on the tip and trying to read what Eddie liked by how hard his hair was pulled. He decided to risk trying something that he liked, and he moved his left hand down to cup Eddie's balls as he sucked. He watched Eddie's face as he felt his right hand come down to cup Buck's jaw before he ran his thumb along his cheek where his cheeks were moving around his cock.

It was such a hot juxtaposition of what Buck had been obsessing about for so long that he moaned and squeezed Eddie's balls. Eddie threw his head back and gripped Buck's hair tightly, and Buck knew that he was trying to warn him that he was going to come but he didn't move, instead he sucked harder, gripping the base of Eddie's cock and running his tongue along the tip one last time.

Eddie's hand fell to the bed as he came, and Buck watched his fingers gripping on to the comforter as the first spurt hit the back of his throat, warm and thick, always a little gross, but yet totally and utterly awesome. He kept his lips sealed around him, moving his free hand up to hold Eddie's on the bed. Eddie squeezed it gently as Buck licked along his length, making sure to give him as much attention as he could.

When he looked up Eddie's eyes were closed and he looked so fucking beautiful that Buck couldn't stand it. He stood up on shaky legs and knelt on the bed, finding no words when Eddie's eyes opened wearily. Buck put his hands on Eddie's shoulders, indicating he should move up the bed again and having to grip his own cock tightly when Eddie did as asked, his muscles contracting and making it hard for Buck to hold on to what little self control he had left.

When Eddie was laying down again Buck flopped down next to him and buried his head in the crook of his neck, mindful of not getting too close to his face after what he'd just done. He barely had to touch himself before he was coming, panting into Eddie's heated skin as he emptied himself onto Eddie's leg. He hoped that Eddie wouldn't find it too gross, but at the same time he was too overwhelmed to care.

When Buck had his breath back he rolled over onto his back and risked a look at Eddie. His eyes were open and he was staring at the ceiling. Buck watched his face for a reaction, and after nothing came he cleared his throat. Eddie turned to look at him, and Buck was relieved to see no obvious regrets. If he was internally freaking out though, Buck couldn't tell.

Eddie still said nothing and Buck felt weird just being looked at, waiting for Eddie to realise he'd made a terrible mistake. Before he had a chance to say anything though, Eddie sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Buck braced himself for the inevitable and started to sit up himself as he squinted in the dim light to try and see where his underwear had ended up.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Eddie got something off from the floor and used it to wipe his leg. Buck sighed deeply and Eddie turned around, frowning. Buck's face must have made what he was thinking clear, and his stomach sank as Eddie stood up. He looked around again in the gloom to see if he could see his clothes, until he was surprised to be nudged by Eddie turning down the comforter and getting into bed. He raised an eyebrow at him and Eddie shrugged, his face unreadable.

"I know that we should talk, and I can tell that you want to," Buck started to shake his head and raise his hands in defeat but Eddie stopped him by patting the bed. "I'm just really tired, and probably a little bit freaking out. Ok?"

Eddie nestled down under the covers and turned to lay on his stomach, facing Buck as he sat there tucked in on himself. When Buck didn't move Eddie sighed and reached out to touch his thigh, his fingers a warm, heavy presence that snapped Buck out of it.

"Get into bed, Buck," Eddie whispered, his voice scratchy and tired. "Stop worrying."

Buck stood up and turned his back to Eddie, finally spotting his underwear and quickly pulling them on before he turned back around. When he did he found that Eddie's eyes were closed anyway, and Buck was briefly happy that whatever did end up happening, he had a new mental image to add to his Eddie catalog. He pulled back the comforter on his side of the bed and slipped under the cool covers, once again trying to imprint every second of getting into a bed that had a sleepy, spent Eddie inside it onto his memory forever.

"Eddie?" Buck said, way louder than he meant to, and he flinched at the sound of his own voice. When he was brave enough to look at Eddie his heart did a happy little leap when he saw Eddie was smiling slightly, his eyebrows raised slightly as he waited for Buck's question. Buck made himself make eye contact. "Did you like it?"

Eddie smooshed his face into the pillow and Buck heard him laugh. He reached out to nudge him in the shoulder, keeping his hand there and running it down to Eddie's elbow, like that was a thing he could do now. Eddie peeked back up at him and looked deadly serious. Buck let go of his arm and waited.

"Yes. It was great and you know it was," He smiled at Buck and yawned before he snuggled back down, reaching out to pat Buck's chest and rub it gently before he disappeared under his pillow, muffling his voice. "Go to sleep."

***

Buck didn't. Couldn't. Eddie did, and Buck listened to his deep breaths turn into snuffly little snores, just as he had known they would. Two, nearly three hours he stayed perfectly still, thinking. He was just as tired as Eddie was, no doubt, but his brain just wouldn't quit. Every scenario he imagined ended with Eddie waking up in the cold light of day and thinking it was a bad idea. Or worse, liking it but just wanting to be fuck buddies or something.

Buck didn't want to admit how much he liked him. Ok, loved him. But Eddie didn't need to be bombarded with that, he would just feel bad. Fuck, Buck really did manipulate him. He should have stopped it straight away. he should have stuck with the lie about being confused and after a little bit of awkwardness the whole thing would have been forgotten after a while.

Annoyed with himself, Buck punched the bed lightly, and he stayed silent and still when Eddie moved in his sleep. He should go, that's what he should do. Then he could write a note or something, they didn't even have to do it face to face. Yes, much better.

With a plan decided, Buck sat up slowly, rolling his shoulders to get the kinks out of them. He could see his jeans in a pile leaning against the door, and he stood up slowly, flinching as the bed creaked in his absence.

Eddie rolled over and sat up, instantly awake. His hair was fluffy and cute, and Buck hated that it was what he noticed first. He raised his hands in an apology and Eddie rubbed his eyes and looked around the room.

"Sorry, i'm not used to someone else being here," Buck tried a smile but it didn't really come off, and Eddie frowned at him. "Wait, are you leaving?"

"No!" Buck shook his head and looked at the door. "Just, uh, bathroom."

Eddie shrugged and flopped back down, and Buck escaped and crept down the hall, making sure not to disturb Christopher. When he was done in the bathroom he jumped at his reflection, totally taken aback by how debauched he looked. Thank god Chris hadn't seen him, the poor kid would have been traumatized.

Buck's neck and jaw were dappled with stubble rash, and he would praise any deity around that he had the next day off and that he'd stopped Eddie's hickeys when he had, as he had one that would barely be covered by a shirt. His lips were swollen and pink, matching his tired, bloodshot eyes. After he'd used the spare toothbrush that he kept in the cabinet he splashed water on his face to try and soothe the redness. It only made him think of earlier that night before all of this had started, and he took a deep breath to try and get his head clear.

All he needed to do was go. A clean break. It would just make it easier for the both of them. With a heavy heart he made his way back to Eddie's bedroom, checking in on Christopher on the way. His chest hurt as he looked in on him, tucked up tight, and he hoped that when this was all over they would still be able to hang out.

When Buck eased Eddie's bedroom door open he would've jumped if he wasn't so tightly wound. Eddie was propped up on his elbow, the comforter bundled up around his waist, looking for all intents and purposes like some cheesy centrefold from a magazine. Fucking gorgeous. But he looked wide awake and serious, and Buck swallowed nervously. Eddie motioned at him to shut the door and Buck did, taking a step forward and resisting the urge to cover his body with his hands.

"You were gonna leave, weren't you?" Eddie said, sitting up and resting his hands on his crossed legs over the blankets. "That's a really shitty thing to do, Buck."

Buck shook his head and stepped closer to the bed, hesitating before he sat down, his back to Eddie. He jumped when Eddie's hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed gently. He took another deep breath and turned around, bringing his left leg up to sit half on the bed. Eddie dropped his hand down, and Buck missed the warmth and comfort of it immediately.

"I just don't want to make things weird for you," Buck risked a glance at Eddie and saw he was as impassive as always, giving nothing away. He powered on. "I shouldn't have let any of this happen. I'm _so_ sorry, Eddie."

Eddie sighed, and Buck was almost relieved to be right.

He was wrong.

The next thing he knew Eddie was manhandling him back down until they were laying facing eachother, maintaining eye contact as he stroked his hand up and down Buck's arm gently.

"So we do have to talk about it now, then?" Eddie smiled and punched Buck playfully in the arm. "Aren't you tired?"

Buck nodded, his emotions still desperately confused. He dared to reach out and rest his hand on Eddie's waist, holding in a shocked breath when he remembered, and felt, that Eddie was naked.

"Youth," Eddie joked, and Buck was speechless as Eddie's hand moved from his arm to his back, his fingertips moving slowly along his spine, leaving tingles in their wake. Buck was struck dumb, no doubt looking it too. "Stamina."

"You're like, barely older than me," Buck was surprised he could still talk, as Eddie's hand was currently stopped at the elastic of his underwear, his fingertips poking slightly under. "What is happening?"

Eddie's answer was a kiss. A good one. A real one, full of feeling and warmth and hopefully more. As they kissed Eddie's hand slipped inside Buck's underwear to cup his ass and he squeezed it gently before taking his hand away and moving a little ways back, pausing for a second to press their foreheads together as Buck had done earlier. Buck watched, riveted and confused as Eddie licked his lips.

"Minty."

Eddie smiled and released Buck, rolling onto his back and folding his arms under his head before he stared at a shadow on the ceiling. Buck stayed quiet, waiting.

"Ok, let's talk about it," Eddie took a deep breath and flicked his eyes over at Buck briefly before he looked back up at the fascinating ceiling. "I think that I did want what happened to happen, before I actually _knew_ , you know?"

Buck nodded but Eddie didn't look at him, so he settled for risking a gentle squeeze of his arm instead. Eddie glanced at him again and gave him a quick smile, reassuring as always. Buck waited for more, and Eddie looked up again.

"I can't say that i'm a hundred percent fine with it, because I'm not, uh, really like that, you know? Open?" Eddie paused to look at Buck, who nodded at him to continue. "I just can't change overnight, however much I liked it."

"And I did like it, I _really_ liked it. A lot." Eddie rolled over to face him again, moving quickly to slide his hand back inside Buck's underwear and squeezing his ass, harder this time. They came together in a needy kiss, and when Eddie released him Buck was breathing hard. Eddie squeezed his ass again and looked at him softly. "I just, um, let's just, this is _nice_ , right? Let's just do this, just us. Just for us."

Buck's heart was threatening a mutiny at being stuck in his chest, and all he could do was nod again and try not to let his elation show. He could totally do this, do it this way. He didn't want anything to change, just the part where they hadn't been ending the day tangled up in eachother. Everything else could wait. Or not. Whatever. He finally didn't care, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from him.

With energy he hadn't had twenty minutes earlier Buck moved to exert some strength and put Eddie back on his back so he could touch him again. Eddie let himself be moved, and Buck was already getting hard at the dynamics between them, how strong Eddie was. The things he would let him do to him.

"Buck?" Eddie's voice made him jump, and he realized he was staring. He looked questioningly at Eddie, who smirked and reached out to cup his face, stroking his thumb along Buck's bottom lip. "How long have you wanted to do this? To touch me?"

"Weeks," Buck lied, and Eddie immediately shook his head slightly as he smiled, admonishing him for not being truthful. "Months. Always."

He thought that his honesty would scare Eddie, but he was quickly disavowed of that notion when Eddie met him halfway in a filthy kiss, his hands roaming up and down Buck's back and landing on his underwear, where he pinged the waistband.

"Off," Eddie grunted, leaning back to give Buck room and then smothering him with his body as soon as he was naked and settled back on the bed. The sensation of Eddie's body blanketing his own made Buck bite back a moan, and Eddie broke away from where he was kissing along his jaw to look up at him. "What do you want to do? To me, I mean. What do you want _us_ to do?"

Buck closed his eyes and sighed. He was fucking dreaming again. Jesus, this was every fantasy come true. Eddie's half hard cock rubbing against his thigh as his stubble created even more friction on his sore face. He loved it.

"Now?"

Eddie nodded, his hands getting closer and closer to Buck's dick, which was fully hard and leaking now, wanting attention that he wasn't sure he could ask for.

"Maybe, if you wanted, you could, um, just touch me?"

Eddie did, keeping eye contact as he formed a loose fist around Buck's dick and moving slowly up and down. He raised an eyebrow at him and Buck nodded, hoping he didn't look as needy as he felt. Eddie tightened his grip, finding a rhythm and making fast work of getting Buck breathy and desperate with want.

The numerous ideas of the things he wanted to do to Eddie and have done to him were coursing through his veins, making him keen and bite his lip to stay quiet. He could feel Eddie's own cock against him, shamefully being left out.

"What do you like?" Eddie's voice startled him again, and Buck was weirdly surprised that he was apparently a talker. When he didn't answer Eddie stopped stroking him, and he held his eye. "To do. To have done to you? Like fucking, I mean."

Eddie didn't really curse much, and the word hung in the air between them. Buck bit the inside of his mouth and took a gamble.

"I like that. I would like that. You. I've done both, but I like getting it. Taking it. You know?"

Smooth, Buck thought. Eddie, however, copied what Buck had done earlier that night and dropped his head down on to Buck's chest, breathing heavily. Oops. Maybe that was a bit far. A bit much, too soon.

"Or not, Not if you don't want to." Eddie looked up, his pupils blown wide, and Buck grinned. "Ok, you do. Not tonight though, I'm too tired."

Screw that. If they were going to have sex, proper sex, if they were doing _that_ then Buck was going to make sure it was the best fuck of Eddie's life. For now he was happy to blow him again, happy to touch him in any way he could. He was totally, totally, in love with him.

Eddie nodded and rolled back over, using his strength to bring Buck with him. Buck let his hands roam wild, carding his blunt nails through the dark hair on Eddie's thighs and then back up his chest, rubbing his hand against his cheek with abandon and loving every second of it.

Eddie found Buck's lips and kissed him, not hard but soft and gentle, slowing the pace down and stilling Buck's hand on his cock. He pushed Buck gently back into the mattress and held up a hand for him to wait. Buck did, watching avidly as Eddie rummaged around by the side of the bed before he heard the pop of a cap being opened.

Nervous despite himself, Buck watched as Eddie rubbed lube on to his hand and shuffled back to lay on top of Buck, keeping his hand away until they were lined up together. He bit back another noise when Eddie started to stroke them both at the same time. Imperfectly, but perfect at the same time because it was Eddie, who was perfect. To Buck, anyway.

It didn't take long before Buck was close, and he held onto Eddie's back hard enough to worry that he would leave a mark as he went still and spilled all over their chests. Eddie grunted something unintelligible, his face pressed up to Buck's neck where he had been determinedly working on more hickeys that Buck would worry about later.

Eddie raised his head and in Buck's post orgasmic stupor he was worried he'd say something he shouldn't so he kissed him instead, slipping his tongue straight in and making it dirty as he pushed Eddie's sticky hand away and took over for him. Always a quick study, he tried doing with his hand what he knew had worked with his mouth, and after a minute Eddie was writhing beneath him, his hand gripping Buck's wrist before he broke the kiss and went completely still.

Buck watched, fascinated and still ridiculously turned on, as Eddie's cock twitched in his hand and spurted up his chest. Throwing caution to the wind he leaned forward and licked it up, knowing that his own was there too. Whatever. Gross. Sex was gross, and messy, and great. Eddie didn't seem to mind, as he brought his hands up to run through Buck's hair.

When he knew Eddie would be ovestimulated, Buck stopped and nuzzled his chest a few times before rolling off him and onto his side of the bed. _His_ side. Fucking awesome. He was suddenly overtaken with fatigue, and he yawned loudly, making a blissed out Eddie jump.

"Sorry," He yawned again. "Tired."

Eddie said nothing, and Buck nearly flinched in surprise when he moved to kiss him. Eddie smiled at him and kissed him lightly on the lips before he leaned over him and over the bed to reach something on the floor that turned out to be Buck's shirt, wiping what Buck had missed before tossing it in the corner of the room.

Buck's eyes were heavy and tired, and he tried not to worry about how everything would feel in the harsh light of a new morning. Sore, for one thing. He used the last of his energy to turn and face Eddie, whose eyes were half closed.

"Eddie?" Eddie's eyes opened fully and he looked up, almost surprised to see Buck there. "Is this gonna be weird in the morning?"

"Yeah, probably," Eddie smiled at him and reached out to rub his finger tip along Buck's eyelid, closing it. "But we'll figure it out. Go to sleep."

Buck did.

***

He was woken by Eddie moving around, and he squinted at the sunlight streaming in. Eddie was dressed in a hooded sweatshirt and a different pair of basketball shorts, and Buck smiled sleepily at the stubble rash on Eddie's face and neck that he knew mirrored his own.

"Hey, morning." Eddie's voice was hoarse with sleep and other things, and Buck grinned at him, knowing that he was partly responsible. Eddie smirked, rolling his eyes before he carried on retrieving their discarded clothes. He bundled them into a ball and shoved them inside a basket before looking back at Buck. "You can borrow something of mine."

Buck said nothing and went to sit up. The thought of wearing Eddie's clothes was making him feel ways he was far too tired to feel. Eddie came to sit down on the bed and handed Buck his phone from his pocket.

As Buck checked his phone for the time and any messages, Eddie pulled the comforter down Buck's chest and clicked his tongue at the various patches of rash and hickeys. When Buck just beamed at him he smiled and pushed him back down flat onto the bed, pulling the comforter up to his neck and tucking him in like a grandma.

Buck laughed and the moment was about to turn into something more when Buck realized with a start that Christopher was about to get up. Eddie seemed to catch what he was worried about straight away, and he tousled his hair affectionately.

"If he does come in, he'll just think you slept in here because that's where the bed is. He knows you've slept here before and our couch sucks," Eddie rubbed the pad of his thumb over Buck's birthmark by his eye and smiled at him again reassuringly. "Don't make it weird for him, and it won't be weird, ok? Just be normal."

"I can do that."

Buck wasn't sure he could, but he would try. He would do anything for the two of them. Eddie nodded at him and stood up.

"I'm gonna take a shower, go back to sleep."

Eddie went to open the door and Buck sat up straight, clutching the comforter to his body.

"Wait," Buck blurted out. Eddie stopped, his hand hovering near the door handle. "What if it's weird, I don't want it to be weird. Um. I mean, it's gonna be weird, right?"

Eddie smiled, that happy, loose smile that he didn't always use but which always made Buck happy.

"It won't."

**Author's Note:**

> So.....after yrs of not writing anything, I dreamed the first part, spat the rest out, and dusted off my ao3 password before I could think better of it.
> 
> I switch tenses, my sentences are too long and I edited this at 4 in the morning so all mistakes (including ever watching the show) are my own. I can't take criticism, constructive or otherwise, so please just ignore it if it's dumb.
> 
> Now that it's out of my head I can forget about this stupid show.
> 
> (The movie is Game Over, Man) It's fucking terrible.


End file.
